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Emily: Were going to go upstairs for a little while.
Ned: No, no. You'll stay right in this room, young lady.
Alexis: My God. You're channeling Edward.

Hannah: What is it these Quartermaine men, huh?
Alexis: I don't know, actually. Well they're smart, they're funny, they're handsome, and charming and other than that they're clueless.

(After checking her answering machine)
Alexis: Of course I have no new messages. No one likes me. Because I work too much.

Alexis (regarding the Deception party): On a list of 500 things that I would rather not do...this being 499...I believe that's just above the walking tour of the Siberian tundra.

Alexis: He made me feel all warm and fuzzy. That's the real problem. I just described myself as fuzzy.

Chloe: I wasn't left at the altar.
Alexis: Alright. Why don't you just tattoo "flight risk" across my forehead and be done with it.

Alexis: Are we going to get into a fight again?
Ned: You tell me.
Alexis: I don't think it's a good way to get back together.

Alexis: It's a good thing were on the same side. Otherwise you'd be terrifying.

Stefan: There is no reason for Nikolas to learn the details of my disappearance.
Alexis: Disappearance? Is that what you're going to call it? It's almost as if you needed a little down time and you just went wine tasting for the weekend.

Alexis: Lawyers are unavailable. Information is unavailable. Patients in I.C.U. are not unavailable.

Alexis (to Zander): Aw, look at you. You look like a real boy.

Alexis (about Zander): He's going to get shot and killed.
Ned: No my luck hasn't been that good lately.
Alexis: It's official. You're finally turning into your grandfather.

Alexis: I'm having one of those things again, you know?
Sonny: Panic attack?
Alexis: Yeah.
Sonny: I don't have any bags here.

Alexis: I need to just remind myself that love is like a...a space heater.
Sonny: Come again?
Alexis: You can carry it around with you and it keeps you warm, but you can survive without it.

Alexis: I fell in love with a businessman, not Mick Jagger.

Alexis: Call your henchmen or your goons or whatever it is that you call them.
Sonny: Men.

(Zander is trying to talk Alexis out of entering Sonny's hospital room)
Zander: Ahem.
Alexis: What's wrong with you? You need a cough drop?

Alexis: (yelling at Carly and Sonny through the closed door) You know, there are liability problems here. Are you aware of the liability problems? As your attorney, I'm going to suggest you cease and desist. Carly, you should know better.

Zander: You know, you don't have to buy me breakfast every morning.
Alexis: You need to eat breakfast and I have no food in my house and I can't cook, so we have to eat here.

Zander: Your kitchen looks weird. It's like nobody lives there.
Alexis: I have a lot of things in cans there -- and popcorn.
Zander: What else do you eat?
Alexis: I forage, ok? I'm not very domestic, so just order something and drop it, will you?

Alexis: (talking to Chloe) Drop the cheerfulness, will you? It's getting on my nerves.

Luke: Oh. Alexis, you want to work out some of those prenuptial jitters?
Alexis: I'd rather stick hot pokers in my eyes, but thanks for asking.

Alexis: You kidnapped my nephew, now you eat my crullers? Get out!

Luke: (coughing through a mouthful of crullers) Have you got any coffee or something here?
Alexis: I hope you choke.

Alexis: But I'll be rooting for you. Unless, of course, you bother Nikolas again, in which case I will have you arrested, and I'll prosecute you myself, free of charge.
Luke: Well, as long as we're still good friends.

Luke: I am invited to the wedding, yes?
Alexis: You betcha, as long as you shave and don't maim, threaten, or kill any of the guests.
Luke: What kind of a wedding's that going to be?

Alexis: (regarding her penthouse) You can't beat the security.
Ned: Or explain it to my daughter when she visits.
Alexis: We'll just tell Brooke Lynn that Rick and Johnny are just nice doormen.

(Emily and Elizabeth try to help Alexis pick out a wedding dress)
Emily: Yeah, where's the saleswoman anyway?
Alexis: Oh, she's back there trying to find something appropriate for an attorney/internet pinup girl who is marrying a man who is going to be married for the sixth time.

Helena: Shouldn't you be keeping an eye on your Mr. Ashton? He's probably -- well, what is that silly American expression? -- Cheating on you already.
Alexis: You mean, like Mikkos cheated on you with my mother?

Alexis: (about marriage) You weren't nervous.
Sonny: Sure I was.
Alexis: You didn't pass out.
Sonny: Well, looking at a jail sentence helped.
Alexis: So what are you saying, I should rob a bank?
Sonny: In your shape, no.

Carly: You passed out?
Alexis: Briefly. I -- I forgot to inhale.
Carly: And everybody thinks I'm the wacko.

Ned: Just feel free to admit that this is probably the worst nuptial fiasco you've ever experienced in your life.
Alexis: No. Far from it. I mean, just this year alone there was a wedding at Wyndemere and the bride ended up dead. And then there was Las Vegas, where I arrived as the bridesmaid and left as the bride. And then there was Sonny and Carly's wedding, which was just odd.

Alexis: But you see, I understand the Cassadines because we just glare menacingly at each other, slip through dark hallways in crumbling mansions, plot revenge, and kill our young.
Sonny: The Quartermaines might be a relief.

Alexis: You know, I'll probably live longer as a Quartermaine because I don't have to worry about being poisoned at the breakfast bar. Unless of course their insane cook is having a bad day or Reginald is trying to make a point.

(Dara overhears Luke and Alexis arguing)
Dara: I can hear you in the hall.
Alexis: Well, I suppose that wouldn't be very difficult when you've got your ear pressed to the door.

Alexis: The court is not disposed in your favor because you didn't play by the rules.
Luke: You mean the cut and run?
Alexis: Judges don't like it when prisoners disappear.

Alexis: Anyone care for a drink? I know that I could use one.
Carly: Attorney, Internet goddess, and floating hostess to boot?

Alexis: I want to bring Carly this bouquet. She may want to toss it. You don't happen to have a helmet handy, do you?

Alexis: (checking her e-mail) Ah, there we go. Here's a marriage proposal.
Ned: Oh. Well, at least he wants to make it legal.
Alexis: It's a she.

Alexis: Do you want my help or not?
Luke: With or without the rose in your teeth.

Alexis: I haven't seen you in ages.
Jason: I saw you the other night. You were hanging over some bar in your underwear.

Alexis: (talking to Sonny) You are a career criminal. It's hard enough to prove thatyou're innocent without the jury picturing me in my underwear.
Carly: No, she's right. You can't afford a lingerie lawyer.

Alexis: I am not attractive. I'm an attorney.

(Someone knocks on the door)
Alexis: Who's there?
Sonny: Sonny.
Alexis: Sonny who?

Alexis: No matter how insulting they get or how personal the question, you have to -- to -- well, you know, questions like "where do you buy your underwear" and then "how many times a week do you have sex".
Sonny: Oh. Well, they've never come at me with that one.

Alexis: I'm warning you. One word from me, and you're dead.
Helena: Natasha -
Alexis: Go ahead. Make my day.

Helena: Wait till the attorneys for the Cassadine estate learn that you threatened to sic one of that mobster's bodyguards on me.
Alexis: They would probably give me a medal.

Alexis: (talking to her plant) Don't die. Be a good bonsai.

Alexis: I mean, true, I find you morally repugnant, but I'm sure there's someone out there that would find you very charming.

Ned: What was that?
Alexis: What?
Ned: You smiled. You smiled at him.
Alexis: I smile at a lot of people -- when they're nice to me.
Ned: Oh, so now Sonny's nice to you?
Alexis: Sonny's always nice to me. He may be ruthless and amoral, but he has lovely manners.

Alexis: I'm going to have to get sunglasses. Big sunglasses. And hats, with brims and vests, bulletproof. I'll look bulky!

Alexis: I don't know what rock stars eat. I thought beer and burgers was a safe bet.

(Alexis has chopped through a door with an ax)
Ned: Honey, you have no idea what that ax does for me.
Alexis: Well, I feel a little excited myself.

Alexis: (talking to Stefan) Next time my phone rings before dawn, I'm going to rip it out of the wall and then I'm going to come over here and kill you.

Alexis: I'm just -- just surprised to see you.
Luke: You're surprised to stumble upon me in my own office?
Alexis: I -- I thought you were out of town.
Luke: So, you only visit when I'm gone?

Alexis: Sonny had consensual, unprotected sex with the wrong woman on the wrong day. That's stupid, that's careless, that's irresponsible, but it's not against the law.

(Alexis and Jax exchange Valentines Day gifts)
Jax: Electric socks?
Alexis: They're rechargeable.
Jax: That's -- that's -- that's great.
Alexis: For when you run at the crack of dawn and it's 900 degrees below zero.

(Helena arrives at L&B)
Alexis: Oh, shoot. I forgot to put up the barbed wire. You stay here while I get the killer dogs.

Helena: Despite all of your many shortcomings, I truly believe that you love Nikolas, and I would hope that you and I could work together to ensure his safety. Nikolas needs to know that he can depend on us.
Alexis: Have you been drinking?

Alexis: (talking to Helena) Then why don't you fly away and leave us alone, you old bat.

Alexis: (talking to Helena) You've got to go. So get your broom and get out.

Alexis: Do yourself a favor and find yourself another job.
Roy: If you feel so strongly about it, why don't you find yourself another client?
Alexis: You know, I ask myself that question every time I get a call from Frick & Frack.

Alexis: You know, I used to fantasize about this. I did. You coming to my doorstep and just begging me for help. But you see, in my fantasy, you grovel more. So I'm afraid that I need you to grovel.
Helena: Have you forgotten with whom you are dealing?
Alexis: Have you?

Alexis: Now, say "please."
Helena: Please.
Alexis: "Pretty please."
Helena: Over your dead body.
Alexis: No, has to be yours or I won't help.

Sonny: You got an interesting mind. Too bad access is so limited.
Alexis: Are you flirting with me?